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Come On Man-Resume Bloopers

Special Requests

●  I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks of vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan.
●  I prefer informality like wearing sports shirts and sandals for footwear in the summer.
●  I prefer setting my own pace. When things get slack I like the right to walk out and get a haircut during working hours.
Skills & Accomplishments

●  Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
●  Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory.
●  I have never had a single blemish held against me and my IQ is off the charts.
●  I am quick at typing, about 25 word per minute, 35 with caffeinated coffee.

Reasons for Leaving Last Job -(Application)

●  Responsibility makes me nervous.
●  They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.
●  The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.
●  Reason for leaving last job-Maturity Leave

 
Random Posts

●  "EDUCATIONAL ACHIEVEMENTS: Maintained a 2.0 GPA."
● 
"COVER LETTER: I host a superlative proficiency for resolving complex systematic problems. I have pedagogic expertise conducting sales, and I can be quickly utilized as an assiduous, visceral and proactive problem solver."
●  "PERSONAL: I can describe myself in three words: committed, hard working, and very strategic thinking."
●  “Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”
●  Completed 11 years of high school

Objective

While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

Email Addresses

ilikesbeer@email.com
harleydude@email.com
crazyforcats@email.com

johnsmith@email.com
j.smith@email.com
john_m_smith@email.com


 

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